


Baby doll, when it comes to a lover I promise that you'll never find another like me (Author Commentary)

by ViolettaValery



Series: Victory's Contagious [5]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Author Commentary, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-31 23:00:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20248057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViolettaValery/pseuds/ViolettaValery
Summary: What it says on the tin





	Baby doll, when it comes to a lover I promise that you'll never find another like me (Author Commentary)

**Author's Note:**

> There was a lot of excitement over my commentary to the previous fic in this serious (seriously, thank you for your enthusiasm <3) and a lot of requests for commentary about the sequel. So, here goes! I have a _lot_ to say about 3 scenes of unadulterated porn. 
> 
> Thank you to Jess, grasonas, knownochill, and my Roswell fam for their enthusiasm, cheerleading, and motivation, which got me to sit down and finally write down all this commentary that was floating around in my head!

> If you’re here reading, thank you! This is one of the fics where I can truly say that I put a lot of energy into not just writing, but _crafting _the sentences, and almost every single one is packed with information and suggestion if you know how to look. So I’m very excited to share some of my thought processes here.

_“God, the things I want to do to you,” Michael murmurs. He’s attached to Alex’s neck like a barnacle, his kisses having swiftly metamorphosed into sucking bruises. _

_“Anything you want,” Alex promises breathlessly. _

_Michael pulls back slightly, a delighted smirk spreading over his face. “Anything?” _

_“I’m yours.” _

> The way I conceived of Michael and Alex’s relationship when I was writing it is as a standing, 24/7 BDSM relationship in which it’s fair game to begin a particular set of sexual and/or kinky behaviors at any time. In the real world, such relationships are preceded by _very _thorough negotiations about what is and isn’t on the table. Michael and Alex haven’t had such an explicit negotiation; in fact, Alex would probably refuse to, claiming that he doesn’t need to be fussed over and protected, but this scene is as close to it as they get to explicitly establishing such a relationship: Alex says “anything,” meaning that Michael can try anything, at any time. (If you pay close attention, though, Michael _does _at times subtly check in with Alex throughout the ensuring scenes, and of course he’d immediately stop if Alex explicitly asked him to).
> 
> And Alex _likes _being surprised and kept on his toes by a partner who is willing to push boundaries and keep him in the dark about what to expect. In the previous fic, we saw him essentially choose Michael because he was deeply bored and wanted the challenge and the excitement of the life Michael was offering him. He wanted an equal. Now, he and Michael have the kind of relationship that reminds me of _Killing Eve_: neither of them are normal, and with each other, they can be not normal; they can try things that are a bit dangerous and blur the lines of consent a little bit, without either of them getting hung up on whether it’s a good idea or if it’s safe or healthy. They treat their sex life almost like a contest or a friendly sparring match, and being the kind of men they are, it works for them.
> 
> And that’s perhaps why they’re so desperate and thirsty for each other. A large part of it is their attraction to each other, of course, but it’s also the way it makes them feel alive. The surprise and the friendly antagonism involved in their relationship feels like a challenge, and it makes them feel like they’re attaining the greatest potential of what they _could _be and leaving behind all the chains that had held them back: the fear, and worry, and doubt, and pragmatism, and carefulness.
> 
> …wow, I started waxing eloquent there. But I have a lot of thoughts about how their relationship might not be the textbook “safe, sane, and consensual” relationship, but for these two people, who are unconventional and rougher around the edges, it is the epitome of a satisfying, fulfilling relationship.

_….._

_The one and only time Michael tried edging him had failed spectacularly. _

_Michael had surprised him, pinning him to the bed and alternating between fucking him and using his mouth, his hands, and his powers to bring him to the edge and then deny him. But Alex had bitten back every sound of need or pleasure; it had taken him two hours to let out so much as a moan, and nothing Michael did could make him let fall a plea from his lips. _

_After hours of this, even Michael’s impressive alien stamina is at an end; he’s come inside Alex so many times that Alex’s hole is raw and red and leaking, but he holds back every sound of pain as Michael thrusts in to him. He’s covered in sweat, his hair damp with it, his limbs shaking, his lips as red as his hole from how often he’s bitten them as Michael sucked him off and caressed him and even teased him with a vibrator, but he still hasn’t uttered a single word by the time Michael gives up. _

> Yeah, so Antarians have really good sex stamina and almost no refractory period. Kind of like Vulcans in Star Trek fanon.
> 
> I also feel like we should just pause to appreciate the image of Alex, restrained and trembling, his hair messy, his lips bitten read. It begs to be an image of vulnerability, but instead it’s an image of sheer resistance.

_“Fuck,” Michael breathes, collapsing next to him, utterly spent after coming inside him for the fifth or six time. _

_“Are you quite finished?” Alex asks calmly, though he sounds much hoarser to his ears than he’d like. He feels the pressure ease from his wrists and ankle, where Michael’s powers had held him pinned. _

_“Yes,” Michael admits in defeat. _

_Alex brings a hand to his cock and makes quick work of getting himself off; after hours, his release comes easily and tastes all the sweeter for the fact that it was not Michael’s to give. _

> This is one of my favorite lines. The way this scene usually goes, the character being edged is happy to eventually receive their relief from the partner dominating them, but to Alex, that would just feel like losing. Michael gives him a sweeter gift than an orgasm: he gives him victory.

_“You know I was trained to withstand torture,” Alex offers, an olive branch of sorts. “They were very thorough.” Blindfolds and electrocution had been involved, and that was just day one. _

> And of course Alex thinks of edging in the same terms as torture: something to _resist. _Oh, of course he enjoyed it, but it was the _challenge _of it more than the sensations or the delayed gratification that he liked. This guy _hates _the idea of being at anyone else’s mercy, and he won’t give an inch when he is.

_Still sprawled bonelessly beside him, Michael turns his head. _

_“Were you ever? Tortured, I mean.” _

_“Couple times,” Alex admits. Both had been terrifying, but in retrospect, he looks back upon them as indispensable to building character. _

Of course Alex would look back on getting tortured as building character and not, like, this horrible thing that happened to him.

_With a pained grunt, Michael rolls over to rest atop him, ignoring the mess of come on his chest or just not caring. _

_“Well, I hope this was more enjoyable,” he says hopefully. _

> He doesn’t say so, but Michael is so impressed by and smitten with his Alex, who is so strong and so brave and speaks so casually about being tortured. Perhaps there’s a bit of a protective instinct bubbling up there, the desire to hurt anyone who hurt Alex, except that he loves his Alex precisely because he doesn’t need protecting.

_“Much.” Alex rests a hand on the back of Michael’s neck and pulls him down for a kiss of gratitude. _

_“You’re remarkable,” Michael breathes, looking as starstruck as Alex has ever seen him. _

_“I know,” Alex agrees. _

> This maaaayyyy be a bit of a nod to _The Empire Strikes Back. _

_…_

_“Do you remember our first time?” Michael asks as he fucks into Alex, uncharacteristically slow and deep. _

_“How could I forget?” Alex asks. He clenches around Michael’s dick and is gratified when that jolts Michael into him. _

_“Did you like the present I left you?” _

> So although Michael and Alex never explicitly negotiate their arrangement, Michael is regularly checking in with Alex. This is one such moment: Michael’s not explicitly asking for permission to do something because he likes to maintain the element of surprise, but he’s ascertaining whether Alex is into this kind of thing.

_“Mmm.” Alex pretends to consider it, then gives up the pretense. “Very much.” _

_Michael fucks him thoroughly after that, and conjures a plug out of somewhere as Alex recovers from his climax. He stuffs it inside Alex as he leans down for a long, slow kiss. _

_“Good night, love,” he murmurs. _

_Alex falls asleep with both Michael’s plug and come inside him. _

_His dreams are hot and heavy, all teeth and bruises and frenzied climaxes, and when he first begins to surface from sleep, he thinks at first that he hasn’t entirely shaken off the dream. It’s much earlier than either of them usually rise and he’s hard, not an unusual occurrence with Michael in the bed beside him. _

_Then he senses Michael moving above him and realizes that the source of his pleasure is not the remnants of his imaginings; Michael has removed the plug and is well into fucking him. _

_He makes some kind of noise, which draws Michael’s attention. _

_“Morning, darlin’,” Michael greets, not slowing down. His hands grip Alex’s hips and pull, easily drawing his sleep-soaked body onto hands and knees. _

_Alex promptly gets with the program, hand finding his cock and matching Michael’s quick thrusts. It swiftly chases away any lingering remnants of sleep. _

_“How many times, before I woke up?” he gasps out. _

_“Just one,” Michael says breezily. _

> We’re just gonna ignore the possibility of Alex having any kind of PTSD and waking up and punching anyone who tried touching him while he was asleep, okay?

_Arousal shoots through him at Michael’s casual tone, the way he talks so easily about using Alex’s unconscious body for his pleasure, and it’s so sudden and sharp that it forces his orgasm out of him. Michael finishes seconds later and they both collapse onto the bed, Michael’s weight pressing him down. _

_“Anyone ever told you that you have a perfect ass?” Michael asks when they’ve both recovered sufficiently for speech. He rests a hand on it as if to illustrate the way its curve fits perfectly into his hand, and Alex feels Michael’s cock throb against it. With Michael’s alien stamina, he gives it two minutes, tops, before Michael takes him again. _

> Michael’s alien sex stamina returns again! I loved making him insatiable and implying that he’s frequently ready to go before Alex is – and that Alex _lets _him. I suspect, as the person writing him, that there’s a part of Alex that actually enjoys being used like that, because it lets him feel just how desperately Michael wants him, always. In fact, Michael’s need and desperation feels to Alex like a certain kind of power he wields. And, given that Alex is calculating how many minutes it’ll take Michael to get going again, it seems like this kind of thing is a frequent occurrence…

_“Mm, couple times, yeah.” _

_“It’s fucking irresistible, is what it is.” _

_Alex snorts in amusement. “You’ve made that pretty clear today, yes.” _

_“In fact,” Michael continues. “I’m going to build a fucking temple to your fine ass.” _

_Alex turns his head until he can just see Michael out of the side of his eye and raises an eyebrow. “Really?” he asks. Michael had a tendency to run his mouth right after sex, and the sappy shit he lets slip is almost endearing. _

_Michael keeps his word on the next planet they conquer. Its inhabitants are a devout people, with deities for every occasion, and when Michael erects a temple with a perfect replica of Alex’s ass, the metal retains its luster for many years to come as devotees touch it for luck in sex and procreation. _

> I blame my Roswell fam for this; we got to discussing how Tyler Blackburn is beautiful and has an absolutely perfect arse and then my friend, who is an artist, looked at a picture of him and went “he has very nice anatomy” (from a purely artistic perspective) and that is how we ended up with the idea of a statue of Tyler Blackburn’s ass and it just kind of went from there.

_They also christen the temple with a particularly long fuck, just in case. _

_……_

_Michael attacks him from behind. Alex fights back on instinct, and he doesn’t stop once he recognizes his lover. They struggle for several moments before one of Michael’s moves sends him backwards into the wall; in the second it takes him to recover, Michael has closed the distance between them and pinned him with a hand at his throat. _

> Alex doesn’t stop fighting back once he recognizes Michael, and this gets back at what I was saying earlier about their relationship: their sex life is almost like an ongoing friendly contest, and they’re both on board with that. They’re not actually fighting for dominance or the upper hand in the relationship or the ensuing sex, but rather constantly challenging each other. 

_Alex lets his hands fall, the fight draining out of him as Michael’s grip tightens. _

> I feel like this moment perfectly encapsulates Michael and Alex’s relationship. It’s not about trust _per se _– not in the way that trust features in a lot of non-darkfic, where one partner completely trusts the other not to hurt them. In this version, it’s more than Alex knows his own worth. That’s why I went with the title I did, which I imagine as something Alex might say to Michael: “you’ll never find another like me.” Alex is absolutely remarkable and unlike anyone Michael has ever met, and Michael is _smitten. _And Alex, who in this version has long ago wrestled with and conquered his demons, knows that; he knows Michael would never destroy something as unique and remarkable and priceless as he is.
> 
> Also, I’m kind of ignoring the possibility of having hands around his throat triggering Alex after years of his father’s abuse. Realistically, he probably would have issues with that, but what I love about darkfic is that you can kind of leave that aspect of reality behind and revel in a world where the characters are just twisted enough to take pleasure in the kinds of things that were formerly inflicted on them as punishment.

_“I love you,” Michael says as he cuts off Alex’s airflow. _

_Alex responds to the declaration by keeping still. They hold each other’s gaze, existing together in the knowledge of his life in Michael’s hand, until his eyes flutter closed and his knees buckle. He glimpses Michael reaching for him as the world goes dark. _

> This is one of my favorite moments in the fic. For Michael, loving someone is a vulnerability (which is unsurprising given the kind of life he’s probably lived), and therefore he feels like he needs to balance the scales by rendering Alex as physically vulnerable as he himself is emotionally vulnerable. Not that he would ever actually, truly hurt Alex, but the extent of his love is a mindblowing realization, and holding Alex’s life in his hands feels like a way to return them to equal footing.
> 
> And Alex lets him; his hands fall and he doesn’t fight it, as if to say, “Okay. If this is what you need, take it.”
> 
> I also wanted this moment to harken back to a similar, very important, moment in the first fic: when Alex hold’s Michael’s life in his hands, and can destroy him with nothing more than a simple flick of the wrist. Here, the world once again narrows down to the two of them, and again love becomes a weapon just as surely as any firewall or virus. In the first fic, Alex’s feelings for Michael (and for the life Michael offered him) were Michael’s ace in the hole; his seduction of Alex was not explicitly or consciously a tactical choice, but in the end, it gave him a tactical advantage, a way to win. In this moment, Michael’s feelings are Alex’s tactical advantage; Michael holds Alex’s life in his hands, but Alex knows he’s in no danger because he’s important to Michael in a way no other person in the entire universe is or could be.

_He comes to with a gasp for breath and the realization that he’s naked. Michael kneels between his legs, and he watches intently for several seconds as Alex fills his lungs with air before leaning down to kiss him. He’s naked too, Alex notes; they’ve made stripping in record time into an art over the past few months. _

> Michael sure does have a thing for doing things to Alex while he’s unconscious and asleep. Good thing Alex told him it’s something he likes.

_“You had me at your mercy and I’m not even restrained?” Alex inquires. “Michael, I’m disappointed.” _

> I don’t think I’m ever going to be over the way they’re constantly at each other’s mercy and yet complete equals.

_“You know I don’t need restraints.” _

_Alex snorts. “Showoff,” he mutters. “Though I’d be more impressed if you could restrain me without resorting to your powers.” _

> This isn’t an explicit negotiation, but it _is _Alex asking for a particular form of kink (bondage) and Michael complying with it. They communicate about their sex life; it’s just done through teasing and challenges.

_Michael sighs and rises from the bed, returning with rope. They’ve never used it before, but Alex is unsurprised to learn that it exists; Michael seems to have an endless supply of accessories for their endless amounts of sex. One day he’ll figure out where they all come from. _

> I can feel y’all asking, so I’ll just say right now: I have no idea. Did Michael raid some sex shops on Earth? Did he have a variety of super kinky former lovers? Did he stock up on everything because he wanted to make sure he could fulfill _all _of Alex’s desires? All is possible.

_Not today, though. _

_He considers resisting and making Michael fight for it, but then decides that a declaration of love deserves his compliance for at least a few minutes and offers his wrists. _

_“Not like that,” Michael says, amused, when he sees Alex holding his hands so as to slip the knots. _

> Of course Alex would prepare to slip the knots. With the life he’s lived, he’s incapable of not reacting in such a way.

_Alex gives a put-upon sigh and allows Michael to arrange his hands and bind his wrists together before looping the rope around the headboard. He does the same with Alex’s left ankle, which leaves his right leg. _

_Michael puts a hand on it questioningly. _

> Consent!! Michael is again asking for it, albeit without words.

_“Take it off.” _

_Michael makes quick work of it, and then the rope goes around his right knee. Alex tests the restraints, but they’re tight and expertly tied; there’s no escaping them without breaking or dislocating something. _

So I’ve been in _multiple _fandoms where one of the characters in my ship was a (former) spy and their response to this kind of predicament would be to coldly, calmly calculate whether escaping restraints would require breaking or dislocating bones. Clearly things haven’t changed.

_Michael takes his time exploring Alex’s body, fingers tracing every scar, every burn, every mark. The gentleness of his touch is new and unfamiliar, a novel sensation that Alex savors just like every other that Michael has gifted him with. _

> So clearly, Alex likes it rather rough and Michael has been happy to oblige thus far. And yes, Michael digs a dude with scars ;)

_Finished with his exploration, Michael produces a knife. It’s made of Antarian steel, ice-cold and laser-sharp; a cut like from it can slice skin open without the victim noticing for several seconds before pain blooms, sharp and all-encompassing. Alex had accidentally cut his hand open with such a blade once and actually cursed. _

> I’m particularly fond of the phrase “laser-sharp,” though its meaning is not as clear as I’d hoped. When I was writing, I was thinking of the cutting-edge (haha) plasma cutters that surgeons use these days instead of knives to slice skin open – it creates a much cleaner cut and makes it easier for the skin cells to knit back together. For some reason, I mixed up lasers and plasma, but I think the phrasing still works: we refer to someone’s “laser focus,” for example, and lasers are extremely clinical and precise. 

_Now, as Michael trails the edge of it over his skin, Alex goes very still. He opens his mouth to point out that Michael doesn’t need restraints when Alex is already holding himself statue-still, then shuts it promptly when he understands. _

_“Could you ever fear me?” Michael asks pensively as the tip of the blade traces his collarbone. _

_“Never.” The blade finds his throat, and the cold metal of its side is a shock against his skin; he has to force himself not to jerk in surprise. _

_“Never?” Michael presses. _

_“You don’t have to try so hard to even the odds,” Alex tells him. “I love you too.” _

> And here, we get a glimpse of why Michael could only confess his love while holding Alex’s life in his hand. It’s the same reason why this is the kinkiest of the three scenes – you can really see Michael try as hard as he can to be in control, to reassert his dominance. And Alex lets him – again, less out of a sense of trust and more because he understands Michael needs this right now and lets him have it. He’s patient and indulgent in the way you can only be when you truly love someone. But he’s also reassuring Michael that he doesn’t really need to do this: Alex loves him back, and so when it comes to vulnerability, they’re already on even footing.

_Michael freezes. The knife at his neck slips, a fraction of a millimeter, but it’s enough to nip him. The pain blossoms several seconds later, but by then, Michael has thrown the knife aside and caught Alex’s hiss with his lips. _

Would you like angst in your darkfic? Because Michael is not expecting to be on the receiving end of a love confession, and you could come up with all sorts of theories as to why. I leave it all to your wild imaginations, readers.

_Michael fucks him so hard that Alex thinks the bedframe that has weathered all their lovemaking thus far might come apart, until he does not know where he ends and Michael begins, until even the handprint that Michael burns into his skin becomes an afterthought. Until Michael lets go of control and the lights explode, sending sparks showering around them; the windows and mirrors crack, their shards blanketing the floor like snow in moonlight; and the fire roars as if hit by a gust of wind. _

> This lovemaking (because that’s what it is) encapsulates their love: wild, explosive, no-holds-barred. They make love with violence; their most intimate connection comes from Michael _burning _a handprint into Alex’s skin. It’s like a storm, more powerful than the world around them, and they break the world around them with it. Because neither they nor their love is conventional by any measure; it is a hurricane with no calm at the center, and they happily live inside it.

_When the orgasm comes, he doesn’t know if it’s his or Michael’s that hits them first; all he can feel is wave after endless wave of pleasure that engulf him until he blacks out. _

_When he returns to consciousness, Michael is trembling atop him. He feels the restraints loosen and brings his arms around Michael, carding one hand through curls while the other rubs soothing patterns on his back. _

_“I’m yours,” he reassures. “I’m yours. I’m never leaving you, I promise.” _

> And yet, for all the explosive violence of their love, it is Soft. They adore each other; they are utterly _smitten _and would raze the world to ash if anything happened to either of them.


End file.
